


Subconscious Minds

by KarinaMay



Series: Learning Curve [4]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Dreams and Nightmares, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks, Sex Talk, honestly not so much this one is kinda wholesome, i guess, mentions of Caleb/Jester/Essek, mentions of Trent Icky-thong, or just general talking about
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:46:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27778591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KarinaMay/pseuds/KarinaMay
Summary: “Well, though I’m sorry I woke you up, I am glad you’re here. I hope you weren’t having any better dreams than I was that I interrupted.”“What? Me? No, not at all,” Jester replied, voice suddenly a much higher pitch.“Are you sure?” Caleb asked.She nodded quickly. “Yup, no dreams, never have them, ever. Really not a dreamer at all.”Jester calms Caleb after he wakes up from a nightmare. As it turns out she herself hadquitea different kind of dream.Can be read seperately from the rest of my Learning Curve series.
Relationships: Jester Lavorre & Caleb Widogast, Jester Lavorre/Caleb Widogast
Series: Learning Curve [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2012047
Comments: 10
Kudos: 81





	Subconscious Minds

**Author's Note:**

> It's in the tags, but if you're uncomfortable reading about panic attacks, there is a description of one in here. It's not insanely in depth, but I want y'all to be properly warned.

Jester was sitting behind her easel in the middle of her atelier, painting vibrant colours onto a large canvas. She was so engrossed in her work she didn’t hear Caleb walking in. He stopped just through the door, careful not to disturb the peaceful atmosphere in the room. He leaned back against the doorframe, crossed his arms in front of his chest and watched. 

Jester was humming a song to herself quietly as she worked, her tail swishing out underneath her skirt in time with the tune. It was a melody Caleb recognized as one they’d heard her mother sing all the way back when they’d gone to Nikodranes for the first time. 

She still hadn’t noticed his presence, and Caleb continued watching, mesmerized as she worked. He felt at peace there, truly at peace, watching as she painted, knowing they were safe here at least for a little bit. 

“It won’t last,” a familiar voice whispered into his ear. 

Caleb jumped, tried to spin around and face the voice, but an icy hand gripped his shoulder and Caleb couldn’t move away, couldn’t move a muscle at all. 

“It’s just a fantasy, Bren,” Ikithon continued, his voice even closer now. “She’s too good for you, they all are. In the end you’ll disappoint them, and they will disappoint you.”

“You know nothing about me anymore,” Caleb hissed. 

His former master’s chuckle was familiar in a way that made Caleb’s blood run cold. 

“I know everything about you,” Ikithon said. “I know how much you’ve grown and I know how much more you still could learn. I know you still want more. More knowledge. More power. Whatever it takes, any means to an end. Morality be damned. They’ll hold you back, Bren, you know that, too. Especially this one. So pure, so precious. So  _ good _ .”

In front of Caleb’s eyes the room suddenly burst into flames, burning bright, the scorching heat only a few feet away from him, and Jester  _ screamed.  _ Caleb’s vision blurred as panic took over. He looked down at his hands, shaking, smeared with spell components, stretched in front of him, familiar heat still dancing at his fingertips. He looked back up at where Jester had been but he couldn’t see her, couldn’t hear her anymore, nothing there but raging fire. His head snapped back to where Trent must’ve been moments ago but there was no one there, nothing there but dark dungeon walls and three empty chairs with heavy chains hanging from them. Panic building, Caleb turned back around, but Jester was gone, and so was the atelier. Instead he stood now in a familiar, round office, bookcases lining the walls top to bottom and across from where he was standing, behind an ornate cherry wood desk sat Master Ikithon. 

He looked up at Caleb, fewer lines in his face, hair not entirely grey yet, and he smiled. “Well done, Bren. You’re ready now.”

* * *

Caleb shot upright violently, breathing hard and tangled in a mess of sheets drenched in his own sweat. It was almost completely dark around him and in a reflex Caleb cast a spell and four small lights shot out of his hands, revealing his surroundings in a soft light. It took him a moment to recognize his own room, his heart still racing, breath high in his chest.

He tried to focus on his surroundings. Five things he could see. His hands, the lights, his holster on his bedside table, Jester's dress flung over a chair, the endless steaming tub.

Four things he could feel. His legs tangled in the sheets, the warm air in the room against his bare back drying the sweat, the soft mattress he was sitting on, Jester's hand squeezing his arm.

Three things he could hear. His breath, the soft crackling of magical fire, Jester muttering something at his side.

Two things he could smell. Almond soap and hot chocolate.

One thing he could taste. The remnants of Jester's kiss.

"Caleb, it's okay, I'm here with you," Jester said softly, pushing herself up beside him.

He finally looked over in her direction, heartbeat slowing somewhat, breath steadying. She was there. She was safe.

"I'm here, you're here, you're safe," Jester continued. "It wasn't real, it was just a nightmare."

She wrapped the blanket back around his shoulders, pulling him closer to her. They sat there like that for a while, Jester holding him tightly as he slowly started to relax against her, eventually slipping his arms around her as well and hugging her back.

"Must've been a pretty bad one, that," Jester said softly. "For you to wake up in the middle of a panic attack."

"Pretty bad, ja," Caleb agreed.

"Was it about Trent?" She asked carefully.

"Ja," Caleb answered. "But it wasn't him - it wasn't him who-"

"Shhh hey, look at me Caleb," she shushed. "That's right, eyes on me, I'm right here, I got you."

"It wasn't him that hurt you," Caleb said softly. "I did. I burned you."

"Oh Caleb," she sighed, and she kissed the top of his head. "It wasn't real. I'm perfectly fine - see?"

She pushed him off her a bit, placing both her hands on the sides of his face and making him look at her.

"All good, no burns, just a nightmare."

"I'm scared," Caleb said. "He's still in my head."

"I'm in your head too," Jester said. "We all are. And we're like super loud. We won't let him get to you. We won't let you let him get to you."

"I know," Caleb sighed, and he pulled her close again. "I know."

She put her chin on top of his head and wrapped them both more tightly in the blanket as she pulled him down with her, lying back against the pillows. Caleb listened to her breathing, his ear against her chest, faint heartbeat drumming under her skin, reminding him she was indeed there with him, safe, warm, tucked tightly away in a blanket in their magical home. 

“I’m never letting you sleep on your own again, you know,” Jester said. “Not that I was planning to anyway, but especially not if you’re having nightmares. You shouldn’t be alone when you have nightmares.”

Caleb smiled. “Well, though I’m sorry I woke you up, I am glad you’re here. I hope you weren’t having any better dreams than I was that I interrupted.”

“What? Me? No, not at all,” Jester replied, voice suddenly a much higher pitch. 

Caleb pushed himself up a bit so he could see her face in the faint glow of the dancing lights he was still maintaining. A blush was creeping onto her cheeks and she wasn’t looking at him.

“Are you sure?” Caleb asked.

She nodded quickly. “Yup, no dreams, never have them, ever. Really not a dreamer at all.”

“You’re usually a better liar, Blueberry,” Caleb said, brushing a blue curl behind her ear. 

“I’m a great liar!” Jester protested. 

Caleb grinned. “So you were lying?”

She stuck her tongue out at him and Caleb chuckled, lying back down.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to tell me,” he said after a moment. “But you know you can.”

Jester sighed. “Well it was like a sexy dream and I didn’t know if that’d be inappropriate or something after you just had a terrible nightmare. Also it was a bit … weird…”

“Weird how?”

Jester mumbled something inaudible and Caleb frowned. “I didn’t quite catch that.”

She smacked his shoulder. 

Caleb laughed softly and looked up at her again. “Well, well, miss Lavorre, I’ve never known you to get embarrassed about ‘sexy’ things.”

She smacked his shoulder again. “ _ Fine _ . I dreamt you were making out with Essek, okay? I know it’s weird, and it’s probably just because I talked to him today so my brain is just mushing all those things together and stuff, but that’s what I dreamt about, okay.”

She rushed through the words, not making eye contact still, cheeks darkening steadily. For a second Caleb just looked at her, trying to read from her face what she wasn’t saying, trying to figure out which side the coin was going to land on, but he wasn’t sure. 

“See, I shouldn’t have said anything,” Jester said softly. 

“No, no, it’s fine,” Caleb replied quickly. “You’re fine. I was just wondering what - what you thought of that. In the dream, I mean.”

Jester bit her lip. 

“Were you jealous?” Caleb tried. 

“No, I mean, not really,” she answered. “I kinda just thought it was hot.”

The coin dropped, and so did something low in Caleb’s stomach. As had been established earlier, his mind was capable of conjuring up vivid imagery and it did so now, again without warning, though of a very different kind. Essek, Shadowhand of the Bright Queen, dangerous war criminal and powerful wizard reduced to nothing but a mess, face flushed, eyes screwed shut, back pressed against Jester’s chest as she trailed her lips down his neck while Caleb pushed his shimmering dynasty shirt and jacket off his shoulders. 

Caleb blinked a couple of times, focusing back on Jester. 

“Like, I really didn’t mind watching,” Jester explained. “Though I guess I kind of wanted to get in on the fun, too. I don’t know, I guess it’s just - he’s hot? You’re hot? Is that weird? It’s probably weird.”

“No, it’s not weird,” Caleb said, and he pressed a quick kiss on her nose. “I want to know this stuff about you, too. I want to know about the things you don’t like, and the things you maybe do like. It’s… helpful.”

“Huh. Yeah I guess that makes sense. You do know that I’m going to be telling you about  _ all  _ my weird dreams now, don’t you?”

“I’m counting on it,” Caleb said, lacing his fingers through hers. “Right now we should probably get some sleep though.”

“Oh right,” Jester agreed. “Super dangerous mission and all. Promise you’ll wake me up again if you have another bad dream though.”

“I promise, liebling.”

She kissed the top of his head again, burying her nose into the mess of his hair so he could feel her warm breath rustling through it. “Good night, Caleb.”

“Good night, Jester,” Caleb replied, smiling. “Oh, and by the way…”

“Hm?”

“You’re not wrong. Essek’s pretty hot.”

**Author's Note:**

> A fic that's only rated M? In this economy? Scandalous. I feel like I'm not the only one whose mind desperately latched onto the brief return of Essek _finally_ so I needed to get this out of my system. As well as the first half of this. It's a bit of a mess. Idk. I'll be back with more pointless smut soon. 
> 
> Anyway, feel free to come yell at me here in the comments or on [twitter](http://twitter.com/isacosplay) or [tumblr](http://mskarinamay.tumblr.com), I love hearing from y'all. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> -X


End file.
